Spiritual Retreat at Batam (5 - 7 March) Part I

Just some backdated journalling from the retreat. I really hadn't been writing very much till I went to the retreat and just had so much spilling out of me...it was good to have a notebook and a pen at hand to catch those thoughts, reflections, realisations...

5 March
Away from the city...just the sea and the sky...can't be more perfect for a retreat...a time to really sit and think...a time to be with the LORD, talk to Him, listen to Him, wait for Him, wait on Him...to rejoice, praise, reflect, contemplate, rest, seek...it's truly a beautiful day.

Reflections - Been thinking about how the LORD has brought me to Him...how He's been with me through all these year... Everytime I cried out to Him, He answered. Now that I look back, He never did always work in ways that were immediately obvious to me, but in His sure, steadfast way, He did...He always works in His marvellous, perfect and mysterious ways... I remember how God showed me who He is...taught me His ways...healed my loneliness and fears...

Hebrews 11 - FAITH - Abraham
When we live by faith, it's not so much of us doing something great for God...it's not like we are of GREAT faith...the focus is not on us. Having faith is the correct response to a GREAT God.

Faith is like a path that God has already set in front of us...but we cannot see it...we have to know God and listen for His voice...then obey Him...taking that step forward, knowing that's where He wants us to go...
I asked the LORD...How will I know which path to take? How will I know if my decision is based on Your wisdom and Your will and not of my own human desire?

And this verse spoke to me... Isaiah 42:16-17
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them, and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

I guess it's ok to be unfamiliar with what lies ahead. I guess we just have to live in obedience & have faith in Him who's guiding us...knowing that He is leading us in every little thing that leads up to a certain direction. He will speak to us through His Word to counsel us, His ppl to advise us, circumstances & events that will lead us to make the right choice...walk that way that's according to His will...that's pleasing to Him. And in the end...He will give us His peace in our hearts to confirm that that is what He wants for us...

God's will is not revealed all in an instant I guess. I think He knows I won't be able to take it, so He reveals it bit by bit to me. That's how He related to Abraham...He gave Abraham the promise, but did not reveal to him the 'how's and all the details of how He's going to fulfill that promise. Slowly, yet surely, we see how God led Abraham step by step...it was a learning process...a growing up of Abraham's faith in God...till one day, he would obey God to the point of sacrificing Isaac...something we can hardly imagine... And I guess it was the same with Noah & Moses. They were pretty clueless too, but they did everything in obedience to God.

Isaiah 57:15 "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite."
Isaiah 66:2 " This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word."

Truly, I'm once again reminded, that God does not require our sacrifice or service, but He desires, above all else, a heart that is truly yielded to Him. And we can only approach Him in that high and holy place...when we acknowledge our sinful nature...come before Him in humility, in our weakness...to be broken and emptied before Him...then we can be redeemed by Jesus...and have true communion with our holy God.

6 March
More lessons from Abraham (Gen 18, Rom 4:18-25)
Abraham was sidetracked, distracted, tried to do things his own way (more of his wife's way - Hagar). Yet through all that, God was in control. God was teaching Abraham through his mistakes...that he had to trust God. And God slowly showed Abraham His way of fulfilling the promise...and Abraham finally passed the 'test' when he fully obeyed God to do something so painful...taking Isaac to be sacrificed...it was indeed a long arduous journey of faith.

And I guess that's similar with our lives...some choices seemed so important to us at that time...fear of failure stopped us from moving on...we get waylaid...distracted...wanted do something else we fancied. What to do?!! Why doesn't God just give me a clear sign what He wants me to do? Can I really do this? But...but...but...

Well, He already speaks pretty clearly to us through His Word...sometimes, I guess I just have to follow the guiding biblical principles and trust that He will ultimately lead us to where He wants us to be.

God works through our weaknesses & inability as much as He works through our strengths...how marvellous is that?
Faith lessons are not carried out when we think WE can accomplish what God says HE will do...
- wait for God's timing...
- be sensitive to His guiding & instructions along the way
- not be fearful and doubt God when we feel weak & helpless, but to trust Him & have faith that God can use us & work through us even in our most helpless state...that's what His grace is all about...

God's desires vs my desires?
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
As we seek after God's heart, God's desires, things that pleases Him, He slowly moulds us to be like Him... and as we do so...our desires will no longer be the sinful human desires that we once have...but our desires will be slowly shaped to be like His desires...what a lovely transformation...

Being loved - by God
MY love relationship with God...something that I've always been hung up about. Ppl are always talking about being in love with God and the Bible speaks about having that first love. How do we know that we are in love with God? How do we know that Christ is our first love? Many times, I really feel that I don't love Him enough...I don't think about Him enough...I don't desire Him enough...I don't obey Him enough...I'm not good enough....despite all the assurances there are in the Bible that tells me that He loves me despite of me...I still feel inadequate and undeserving of His love....the love of an Almighty Creator God...

Taken from a book I was reading...can't remember the title or the author *opps*
"Although we may attempt to analyse why we feel loved by someone, why we love them, or how love happens, we never seem to completely figure it out. Love is filled with mystery and unanswerable questions...Love has the qualities of a sacred gift...When we experience God's love, our awareness of our inadequacies in relationship and expression may seem to multiply. But they become less consequential because we stop focussing on ourselves. God is love. God loves us...When we are fully involved in loving and being loved, we stop thinking about or analysing the experience."

That's enough for tonight...seriously tired...will put in more from the retreat...