I’ve always thought of life as a journey – as we walk with God and experience the ups and downs of life, He refines, molds and changes us so that we might be ready for our final destination – heaven.
These two years have been really amazing in so many ways. As I look back, it’s odd how even the bad parts seem to be ‘good’, and I realized that they are also a part how God has blessed me here in Thailand.
I’ve learnt so many precious lessons…
(1) When we offer our lives to Him as living sacrifices (Rom 12:1), the returns He pours back into our lives is so much more than we can ever expect or imagine!
In these last two years, I’ve seen how He has blessed my family. My father has kept his job and has been recognized for his many years of faithfulness and my mother has a part-time job that keeps her occupied in this season of her life where all her children have grown up. Both my parents are also more open to attending any church events that we invite them to. My brother, Roy, has a good job, and more importantly, has grown so much in his faith. Before I left, he was always someone I was worried about and was often in my prayers, because I could see how he was not walking with God. And now, he’s actively serving in church, attending BSF, belongs to a wonderful CG and will be coming to Thailand on a mission trip with his CG this June. It’s not just what he’s doing, but when I converse with him and when I pray for him, I can sense that God has truly been working in his life to change him. As for my other brother, Jack, has been voluntarily attending church regularly, and we are praying that in God’s good and perfect timing, he will give his life to Jesus too.
Since I quit my job and started preparing to come to Thailand as a missionary, God has met all my needs. I must admit that there had been times when I worry about not having enough. Even though I trust that He is my Provider, my paranoid worldly instincts just can’t help putting doubts inside my head. But now, when I look back, there was never a time when the situation was even close to warrant any worrying! In fact, He has blessed me with so much that I can help bless others as well!
Many times, we think we’re out here to minister and help others. And yet God uses these people whom we pour our lives into to bless us. I can testify to how God has provided lovely companions in the kids in my village. In my mind, I keep thinking how these are the people I’m supposed to serve in humility, I’m here to teach them about God and show God’s love to them. In the last few months, I’ve seen how God sent these kids to me, not just so I could give to them, God also sent them to me so I could have friends to play, laugh and eat with. Through them, God showed me His love, encouragement and taught me precious lessons. It’s been such a joy being with these kids that it never really felt like ‘work’. That, to me, is the greatest blessing – the joy He gives to me when I serve Him.
It is really lonely to be out here as a single. I try my best not to dwell on that, but on how God has put me in an organization that has many other missionaries around me so that I can have family and friends. I’ve discovered how much of a people person I am in that I can’t spend too much time on my own or I’d start going crazy. He’s provided friends from so many different countries (including Thailand of course), and I’m also grateful for all the support from my home country. I’ve come to realize how every time I send out my prayer newsletter, I feel an extra boost of energy from the prayers offered from the hearts of many brothers and sisters out there. It’s a spiritual battle out here and the evil one often tries to put me down by telling me how alone I am in this, and how no one out there really understands what I’m going through. It’s then I cling on to His promises and think of all the people who pray for me and have sent me messages, emails and letters of encouragement.
(2) Suffering brings about growth. Paul said, “I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.” (Phil 3:8)
Indeed, it is in the darkest nights when we can really see how bright the stars are. It’s when everything has been stripped away, when all things I cling to for comfort are taken away from me that I realize that the one thing I really need to cling to is God. During my ‘dark’ times, when I feel like a failure – helpless, useless, depressed, confused and full of self-pity, the rational and logical side of me goes in to hiding, and it is then that I just cling on to the only thing I can hold on to – God’s Word. And times like that, it’s no use reading and trying to process and understand what He is saying, all that I can do is recall Scriptures I have memorized. These are the promises that I really cling to even though every other voice that cries out to me tells me these promises can’t help me feel better and get out of this ‘darkness’. And it is only when I look back at these times that I realize what He was doing, how He was stretching me and teaching me to simply go on my knees and cry out to Him…that the best offering on the altar is not the perfect works that my hands can accomplish, but my broken self that is completely surrendered to Him.
Sometimes I think that I have not suffered at all. This is nothing compared to what many martyrs have gone through – Stephen, Paul…many other missionaries and Christians in countries where there’s severe persecution. But I have to remind myself that this is where God has placed me and He has a part in this. So this is NOT nothing. This is His work, and He has called me to join Him, and He is the one who sees and knows and understands far more than I ever can.
It is not exactly the suffering itself that brings about growth. But because we have Christ, we are able to respond to suffering differently. And we grow because of what we learn through responding to suffering. Every time I cling on tightly to His hand and weather another bad patch, He teaches me something new about Himself.
(3) Even as everything on this earth is changing and passing away, learn to set our minds on things above. (Col 3:2)
These two years, I’ve had to move quite often. It’s really hard for me to ‘end’ relationships, uproot myself and make my home in a new place all over again. This experience has really opened my eyes to how transient this world is. There are times when I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t know where my home is. I’ve never realized how the idea of a home is so important to me. It’s a place where I belong and feel completely comfortable and at ease, a place where there are people to return to. Here in Thailand, I never really had a home in the sense that I’d have a family to go back to. And that is something that’s really hard for me. I dislike being alone, working alone, eating alone…prolonged solitude is a torture and really drains me.
Nothing around me is ever constant and predictable. With that, I lose my ability to plan and control the things of my life. Situations, friends, ministry...everything keeps changing…so much so that I really cannot set my mind on the things of this world. If I do, then I start getting lost and dizzy, and then I panic. It’s then that I am forced to change my focus and fix my eyes on the things that do not change.
Things that have eternal value are the things that do not change. God is the very essence of that. Heaven is my eternal home. It’s not just a family or people who are waiting for me there. God my heavenly Father is waiting for me. I’ve learnt not to focus on the ‘work’ in ministry, or the people, but the eternal values involved. This is the work of an eternal kingdom where the inhabitants are eternal beings that belong to Him. Each would either spend the whole eternity enjoying Him in heaven or burn forever in hell, separated from Him. And it is life here that would determine our eternal destiny. I may not know whether each person I have ministered to would go to heaven or hell, but I do know that He has given me a part to play in helping to point the way to Him. And so with each day that I feel lost and lonely on this earth, I know that I can call heaven my home and He, along with the multitudes, will be there to welcome me.
These two years have been really amazing in so many ways. As I look back, it’s odd how even the bad parts seem to be ‘good’, and I realized that they are also a part how God has blessed me here in Thailand.
I’ve learnt so many precious lessons…
(1) When we offer our lives to Him as living sacrifices (Rom 12:1), the returns He pours back into our lives is so much more than we can ever expect or imagine!
In these last two years, I’ve seen how He has blessed my family. My father has kept his job and has been recognized for his many years of faithfulness and my mother has a part-time job that keeps her occupied in this season of her life where all her children have grown up. Both my parents are also more open to attending any church events that we invite them to. My brother, Roy, has a good job, and more importantly, has grown so much in his faith. Before I left, he was always someone I was worried about and was often in my prayers, because I could see how he was not walking with God. And now, he’s actively serving in church, attending BSF, belongs to a wonderful CG and will be coming to Thailand on a mission trip with his CG this June. It’s not just what he’s doing, but when I converse with him and when I pray for him, I can sense that God has truly been working in his life to change him. As for my other brother, Jack, has been voluntarily attending church regularly, and we are praying that in God’s good and perfect timing, he will give his life to Jesus too.
Since I quit my job and started preparing to come to Thailand as a missionary, God has met all my needs. I must admit that there had been times when I worry about not having enough. Even though I trust that He is my Provider, my paranoid worldly instincts just can’t help putting doubts inside my head. But now, when I look back, there was never a time when the situation was even close to warrant any worrying! In fact, He has blessed me with so much that I can help bless others as well!
Many times, we think we’re out here to minister and help others. And yet God uses these people whom we pour our lives into to bless us. I can testify to how God has provided lovely companions in the kids in my village. In my mind, I keep thinking how these are the people I’m supposed to serve in humility, I’m here to teach them about God and show God’s love to them. In the last few months, I’ve seen how God sent these kids to me, not just so I could give to them, God also sent them to me so I could have friends to play, laugh and eat with. Through them, God showed me His love, encouragement and taught me precious lessons. It’s been such a joy being with these kids that it never really felt like ‘work’. That, to me, is the greatest blessing – the joy He gives to me when I serve Him.
It is really lonely to be out here as a single. I try my best not to dwell on that, but on how God has put me in an organization that has many other missionaries around me so that I can have family and friends. I’ve discovered how much of a people person I am in that I can’t spend too much time on my own or I’d start going crazy. He’s provided friends from so many different countries (including Thailand of course), and I’m also grateful for all the support from my home country. I’ve come to realize how every time I send out my prayer newsletter, I feel an extra boost of energy from the prayers offered from the hearts of many brothers and sisters out there. It’s a spiritual battle out here and the evil one often tries to put me down by telling me how alone I am in this, and how no one out there really understands what I’m going through. It’s then I cling on to His promises and think of all the people who pray for me and have sent me messages, emails and letters of encouragement.
(2) Suffering brings about growth. Paul said, “I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.” (Phil 3:8)
Indeed, it is in the darkest nights when we can really see how bright the stars are. It’s when everything has been stripped away, when all things I cling to for comfort are taken away from me that I realize that the one thing I really need to cling to is God. During my ‘dark’ times, when I feel like a failure – helpless, useless, depressed, confused and full of self-pity, the rational and logical side of me goes in to hiding, and it is then that I just cling on to the only thing I can hold on to – God’s Word. And times like that, it’s no use reading and trying to process and understand what He is saying, all that I can do is recall Scriptures I have memorized. These are the promises that I really cling to even though every other voice that cries out to me tells me these promises can’t help me feel better and get out of this ‘darkness’. And it is only when I look back at these times that I realize what He was doing, how He was stretching me and teaching me to simply go on my knees and cry out to Him…that the best offering on the altar is not the perfect works that my hands can accomplish, but my broken self that is completely surrendered to Him.
Sometimes I think that I have not suffered at all. This is nothing compared to what many martyrs have gone through – Stephen, Paul…many other missionaries and Christians in countries where there’s severe persecution. But I have to remind myself that this is where God has placed me and He has a part in this. So this is NOT nothing. This is His work, and He has called me to join Him, and He is the one who sees and knows and understands far more than I ever can.
It is not exactly the suffering itself that brings about growth. But because we have Christ, we are able to respond to suffering differently. And we grow because of what we learn through responding to suffering. Every time I cling on tightly to His hand and weather another bad patch, He teaches me something new about Himself.
(3) Even as everything on this earth is changing and passing away, learn to set our minds on things above. (Col 3:2)
These two years, I’ve had to move quite often. It’s really hard for me to ‘end’ relationships, uproot myself and make my home in a new place all over again. This experience has really opened my eyes to how transient this world is. There are times when I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t know where my home is. I’ve never realized how the idea of a home is so important to me. It’s a place where I belong and feel completely comfortable and at ease, a place where there are people to return to. Here in Thailand, I never really had a home in the sense that I’d have a family to go back to. And that is something that’s really hard for me. I dislike being alone, working alone, eating alone…prolonged solitude is a torture and really drains me.
Nothing around me is ever constant and predictable. With that, I lose my ability to plan and control the things of my life. Situations, friends, ministry...everything keeps changing…so much so that I really cannot set my mind on the things of this world. If I do, then I start getting lost and dizzy, and then I panic. It’s then that I am forced to change my focus and fix my eyes on the things that do not change.
Things that have eternal value are the things that do not change. God is the very essence of that. Heaven is my eternal home. It’s not just a family or people who are waiting for me there. God my heavenly Father is waiting for me. I’ve learnt not to focus on the ‘work’ in ministry, or the people, but the eternal values involved. This is the work of an eternal kingdom where the inhabitants are eternal beings that belong to Him. Each would either spend the whole eternity enjoying Him in heaven or burn forever in hell, separated from Him. And it is life here that would determine our eternal destiny. I may not know whether each person I have ministered to would go to heaven or hell, but I do know that He has given me a part to play in helping to point the way to Him. And so with each day that I feel lost and lonely on this earth, I know that I can call heaven my home and He, along with the multitudes, will be there to welcome me.
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